StorySlam Recap: Oops I Did it Again…

November 2nd, 2023, was an odd weather day. After a cold morning, afternoon gusts from the southwest ushered in an unseasonably warm evening, welcoming another eager crowd to the fourth story slam of Ex Fabula’s 15th Season. Walking into the Turning Tables MKE, I was struck by the mighty buzz! The bustling room filled quickly.

David Lee, WUWM Radio’s GM emceed. David was too humble to mention it but me, not at all. I want everyone to know that WUWM 89.7 broadcasts Milwaukee’s Best Local Podcast 2022 *; Ex Fabula’s Real Stories MKE! Select Sundays at 7 PM hosts Kim Shine and Joel Dresang share great stories from past Ex Fabula slams! There, I said it!

Now, back to the slam at hand …

The third storyteller was Mathew Lewis. Matthew’s “oops” story was about losing his car keys, wallet, and phone. Not just once but again and again and again; every morning for three full weeks! Finally, one distressing morning, after losing all three again, he hit the brakes. He texted his boss and said he was going to be late, then Matthew laid down on the floor and took a good, hard look at his life. 

Matthew realized that constantly losing his wallet, phone and keys might just be a manifestation of a greater loss. He had just left a relationship and realized that in the move, he’d lost himself. He’d been lost in someone else he’d relied upon to bring order to his life. Now he had to do it himself. So, step by step he’s building a new routine and trying hard not to misplace himself again.

After a short break to find the bar and refresh ourselves, David called the fourth storyteller to the stage. Jane Rodgers got the audience’s attention by telling us that her mother’s husband is John Henry. They call him Henry because he’s her mother’s eighth husband! Well, she sure “did it again!” Jane explains that her family loves weddings. They’re not very good at marriage but they love a good wedding!

She goes on to say that she met Jason in 2006 (the names have been changed “to protect the stupid”). After their third date, she decided to quit him. Three weeks later, she’s back in his car, and several months later, they’re married. Then they divorced. Then they remarried. Then she decided to quit recreational drugs. Divorced again, then remarried and then redivorced. Then she quit drinking. A year later, they got back together. And then fell back apart again.

Finally, this time, no oops. Jane learned her lesson and didn’t do it again. She got a new haircut and a new therapist and has never looked back. You gotta love a happy ending!

Our fifth teller was Jill P who started by saying, “Oops, I did it … but thank God I didn’t do it again!” Jill’s ambition was to go to Lawrence College, where she would live out her college dreams. Unfortunately, St. Norbert was the college that offered her a deal. The campus was beautiful, just like the pics in the brochure. Too bad the brochure wasn’t Scratch and Sniff! The school is right on the Fox River and it’s one of the dirtiest and smelliest ever. Jill probably could have lived with the smell if college life had lived up to her dreams. Instead, she was homesick and her friends were all boring nerds! So she decided to leave, return to Milwaukee and go to UWM.

The problem was, she didn’t tell her parents. And when she showed up at home, they were not happy. So, she got an apartment and settled into student life in Milwaukee. It didn’t take long for her to realize the mistake she’d made. At St. Norbert, she had a scholarship, reasonable housing, and all kinds of assistance with shopping, cleaning, and meals. All she had to do was go to classes. In Milwaukee, she had to fend for herself. It was expensive and exhausting! Ironically, at UWM, she might have had the freedom to live the college life of her dreams but she didn’t have the time or money! Turned out to be a major “oops!”

Our sixth teller was Tony Anderson and Tony’s no chicken! See, Tony had a friend who always came up with ideas that would be fun. Like when Kevin came up with the idea of riding their bikes over a dangerously steep hill. When Tony said he didn’t want to do it. Kevin said, “What? Are you chicken?” After recovering from the crash Tony resolved to never follow Kevin again … until one day they heard about some vicious dogs that were chasing kids on the bikes.

Tony said, “No, we’re not going down there.” But Kevin said, “What? Are you chicken?” Oops, Tony did it again. Kevin, Tony, and another easily cowed friend, Doug, soon found the dogs. A big black lab and an even bigger German Shepherd! Tony and Kevin pedaled their hearts out but Doug didn’t make it. The dogs got Doug’s bike. Doug had to leave it and run. All three boys managed to make it to a nearby house and scurry up onto their deck. It took a while for Tony’s mom to find the boys and it took the dog’s owner to get the two mutts to stand down. But the good thing that came out of that day is, Tony never did anything else Kevin dared, even if it meant being called a chicken.

The seventh teller of the night was Joshua Mack. Joshua was a psych major in college, which, according to Joshua, is proof positive that he’s got psychological problems. He admitted his problems included, but were not limited to partying, womanizing, drinking and “doing other stuff.” When carousing, it always helps to have a wingman, and Joshua met the best wingman of all time in Psych class. She was willing to help with his carousing, and provide guidance and cover while she drank all his friends under the table. But one day, when he set his sights on a particular young woman, his wingman said no. “She’s not for you.”

It was years later when, at his wingman’s wedding, Joshua learned that the young woman he’d been warned off was his wingman’s sister! The sister and Joshua hit it off, stayed up all night and talked. Joshua was smitten and realized he had to take his shot. The next day, moments before he had to leave, he saw her. He told her how much he cared for her and hoped she felt the same but he had to go. He left her his number and told her if she felt the same, call. The next day, she did. Joshua immediately gave up his wicked ways and became the sober, responsible adult that, ten years and three children later, he remains! Before handing the mic back to David, Joshua pointed to his wife in the audience and asked the crowd to give her a big hand. We did!

The eighth teller of the night was a newbie. Patrik Beck. Patrik grew up on a farm. He wasn’t a very good farmer because he hated getting up early. Still, he appreciated his time on the farm because it taught him a lot. The joke in his circle of friends is, no matter what anyone mentions, Patrik says, “I’m good at that. I grew up on a farm.”

Farm life can teach a child many things about the world around them. Like how life itself works. For example, from a very young age, Patrick knew the steps involved in calving; from the initial insemination right through to the birth. So when a cow on his farm was ready to calve while his cousin Steve was sleeping over, thirteen-year-old Patrik was eager to share that experience with his six-year-old cousin.

The night the calf was born, Patrik dragged Steve out of bed and down to the barn. All went well. The calf’s hooves then head emerged from the mother. Patrik attached a block and tackle and began dragging the baby out. Moments later, after the mother has licked the calf clean, it took its first awkward steps. Six-year-old Steve watched the whole process in rapt attention, then blurted out the obvious question, “How did the calf get in there?”

Patriks’ mother called him the other day. She had just talked to Steve, who now, fifty years later, still remembers Patrik dragging him down to the barn that night!

The final teller of the night was a second-time teller Wayne Hixon. Wayne told a story that involved a visit to a strip club while his significant other was out of town. Now he quickly cautioned the crowd against judging him because he and his partner frequently visit strip clubs together. Wayne is turned up and tipping, so when he buys his drink, naturally, he buys one for a nearby stripper. After a while, she comes to his table, where they engage in some flirty back and forth. They’re vibing, continuing to drink and go deep in their very personal conversation though, when she tried to put her number in his phone he says no. He’s got someone at home. Which is where he eventually goes.

But at 4AM he gets a call. It’s one of his significant other’s girlfriends who tells Wayne she’s got a spiritual connection to him, their souls are connected on a spirit plane, and a spirit has a message for him, delivered through her. The spirit knows what he’s done and warns him to stop. Wayne, still hammered, thanks her, hangs up and goes back to sleep.

When his partner gets home the next morning he tells her about the odd call from her girlfriend. She mistakes the warning for a sexual advance, immediately calls the woman and warns her to stay away from Wayne with all her spirit stuff! In the meantime, Wayne looks at his phone and realizes that somehow his phone recorded the entire flirtatious conversation he had with the stripper the night before, a conversation that would have been very hard to explain. The spirit was right. He shouldn’t have been acting like that.

When his partner returns she announces she and Patrick’s spirit mate have ended their friendship. He didn’t tell her but he was thinking, “maybe you ought to hang onto that friendship.” That woman has a pretty valid spiritual connection!