Perhaps February’s StorySlam has been the spiciest yet, focusing on everyone’s favorite, equally loved & hated topic, Exes. The Exes StorySlam took place at Times Cinema in Milwaukee and offered folks a more theatre-like atmosphere- which fit our theme quite well. While the concept of exes can pertain to an ex-job or ex-habit, most storytellers kept with themes of unrequited love, bad dates, and relationship red flags as far as the eye could see! Between tellers, our energetic and engaging host and Ex Fabula board member, Alexis Outlaw, read the UltraShorts that didn’t appear to stop flooding in!

Our first teller of the night, Mark Steidl, had a story to tell of his ex-boss-turned-friend. Mark explained that while he wasn’t the best of bosses, he was a pretty decent friend and even helped Mark moved houses. Over the years, their families became relatively close. Mark attended both his boss’s and boss’s wife’s funeral. Through the years, he found out that his boss thought of Mark as one of his closest friends.

Genie Green was the second storyteller of the night. Jeanie told the classic story of getting burned by a love interest, perhaps by loving too hard too quickly, and letting them in without hesitation. After going back to Jeanie’s apartment and partaking in typical first-night festivities on a first date, she soon learned that her love interest was homeless and kindly opened her home to the stranger temporarily, to allow her to get back on her feet. In discussing gender identity, amongst other important issues, Jeanie could soon gauge that they weren’t remotely on the same page, and therefore Jeanie’s interest started dwindling. While Jeanie was working two jobs and then some, tired as one could be, the temporary roommate continually pestered her for sex after Jeanie arrived home. When Jeanie explained that it was the last thing on her mind, the woman exclaimed in question- is that why you’re gay?! From there it was clear that she needed to go, and Jeanie gathered her friends to help in the exit plan.

Jo Nevin, up next, told the story of the classic “Menist” many of us have had in our lives- the sort of partner you’re shocked you dated many, upon many, years later. Jo described this individual as a classic mama’s boy, and one that didn’t need a therapist because he had, well, his partner for that. A few months into the relationship, they were planning on meeting Jo’s family via a family reunion, when in bed the night prior, the man insisted on telling Jo that when he said he loved them, he didn’t always mean it! Though the two proceeded to go to that reunion the very next day, Jo still doesn’t know why to this day! Jo recognizes that this is often the type of person we all have at least one (or a handful) of early on- for better or worse. 

Claire Mielke, a newbie of the night, was here to pay gratitude to her past exes in light of her now-current husband. She recalls the almost non-existent self-respect she possessed for herself in the 8th grade when she dated the star football player for a period of time- and a period of time that went on much longer than most high school flings cared to. One day, an unknown man appeared in her DM’s on MySpace, encouraging her to confront her boyfriend because “he needed to tell Claire the truth.” Claire noticed that their only mutual friend was the boyfriend’s cousin. Claire mentions that she did, in fact, recall being away on a peace trip in Ireland while her boyfriend’s cousin was in town visiting Milwaukee over that summer when the family members decided to hit Summerfest. After repeated confrontations, her boyfriend finally admitted to sleeping with his cousin. What was the first thing out of his mouth when Claire uncovered the vile truth? He begged her not to tell anyone!

Craig Plain lovingly told the story of heartbreak across the country. Craig’s girlfriend at the time, Jan, and himself, were flying into San Diego. While she had been there separately before, Craig soon discovered an old ex-partner had asked her to live with him. While Craig was with her and due to the now-awkward living situation, Jan asked him if they could remain friends and venture out in California on their own, having separate adventures. Soon enough, the trip was over and as Craig was headed back home. The solo trips around Cali were fine enough, and it was what it was; on the plane back, he noticed a young teen boy across the aisle, in dire need of a puke bag, explaining he’d just seen Billy Idol, which made Craig giggle to himself. All was well that ended well.

The sixth storyteller, Chris Selin, explained that years ago she was dating a young man from central California, her being a native Wisconsinite. When discussing her back-home environment, they began discussing the Great Lakes, and soon discovered, much to her dismay, her new interest’s understanding of the size and depth of the lake was more shallow than anticipated. Convinced, he argued that surely one could see Michigan on the other side of the lake, to which she replied that in optimal conditions one can maybe see 3 miles across…surely enough to see MI, he figured. The next day when they’d visited a local Cali beach when she exclaimed that, “oh look, I can see Japan!” Needless to say it fizzled out sooner than later.

Peter May, the next storyteller, gave up a full-ride scholarship through the Army ROTC,  to take advantage of the freedom and pharmaceuticals that comes with going to college in the 1970’s. That being said, Peter ended up with a dorm room all to himself. Things were riveting until Homer moved in- Homer being an individual that..was not only a morning person and revolved his entire life around fishing, but had previously been removed from the last dorm due to punching his roommate in the face and throwing a saxophone out the window. To have a little fun, there was only one thing to do: make Homer his ex-roommate- and fast! Peter began adoring songs that featured saxophone pieces, having his friends call and leave messages at all hours of the night, and before long, Homer was on his way out! Peter still thinks about finishing up those last credits…

Arguably the story that garnered the most laughs all night, Mark Waldoch, was up next. It was 1992 in Racine, and Mark was about to graduate high school. He’s always had this crush on this older woman, and soon enough, she called him to get together after she was out of college. To his surprise, and with him still being young and below drinking age, this older gal was willing to bring booze & meet up with him at a local playground. He was a trombone player, and she played bass- which further piqued his interest. Before long, they got to it, and she was biting his face- unbeknownst to him whether or not this was normal. His contact soon falls out and he’s navigating an extremely intoxicated woman with one-eyed vision, when she falls to the ground, leaving blood running everywhere from the injury on her way down. As Mark scrambles for a solution, a passerby happens along, willing to help (despite Mark potentially looking as if he had just murdered and kidnapped this woman). Midway through the help, the cops show up and miraculously believe his story, allowing him to continue taking this woman home. En route, she attempts to open the door on the freeway, leaving Mark with only one option- to tie her up, bloodied and piss-drunk, with a grandmother’s afghan blanket in the backseat. By some stretch of a miracle, they barely manage the woman in the front door, and simply slump her in the front doorway yelling, “I’m home!” to some phantom mother upstairs. From there, he sped off taking off back to his own bed, maybe with a little less blood on his hands.

The last teller of the night, Brian Hulesman, was raised strict Irish Catholic, and there was no sort of birds and bees talk in his family. As he goes through life, he finds he’s a poor recipient of signals from potential love interests. One night, he receives a strange message on Instagram around 2am, encouraging him to come visit a said woman of interest. Their relationship happens  along as one generally does, on and off again, for about 6 months. As Brian used to do swim as a sport in school, often his teammates would comment about his fit physique on Instagram, to which the love interest didn’t take to kindly. As things fizzled out, Brian found himself at a show in Chicago with friends one night, when one of his friends pointed out that Brian’s brother was there- with his ex-girlfriend. Come to find out, Brian’s brother was roped into the same saga that he initially was, via Instagram! Brian’s going to be all the more communicative with his brothers from this point on!

The Exes Story Slam highlighted love and loss, ex-roommates, ex-lovers, and ex-coworkers. The night highlighted the humanity and growing pains we all often go through in our younger days, and often, all the way through adulthood. Claire Milky, took the crown for the night- on her first Story Slam (what a way to celebrate)! Thanks to Times Cinema and to all of our sponsors, including Landmark Credit Union. Last but certainly not least, thanks so much to all of our fantastic staff and caring volunteers that help to put on and coordinate these events for the community! We hope to see your lovely faces at our next event, the Parenting Story Slam on 3/15 at Anodyne Coffee!

Photos by: Art Montes